ANTS

Our house has been invaded by ants.

Now, I find ants pretty fascinating, so my tolerance for having them around is pretty high. But after last night, I'm over them. You see, the problem isn't so much the ants, as it is that Marshall doesn't believe me about how to get rid of them.

First, he thinks the ants are after sugar. This is not so. We are both sugar maniacs and those ants haven't gotten into any of our food. This is not because we are so brilliant at ant proofing our food; it is because the ants aren't interested in our food. Early on I speculated that they are meat ants and that they will eventually tire of our meat-free house and move on.

After a bit, Marshall decided it was time to bring out the Ant-Rid. At first I was open to this. We put little dabs on the countertop and watched the ants swarm it. Apparently, the point of this stuff is that it gives them a belly ache and they go away. I eventually started to notice that there weren't very many ants...UNTIL we put out some Ant-Rid. I do not know where they come from or how they get there so fast, but suddenly there will be hundreds of them, climbing on top of each other to get at the stuff. This struck me as odd.

Yesterday morning, I noticed that the Ant-Rid spots had dried up...and then I noticed that the ants were climbing on the Ant-Rid bottle, trying to get in! So I scrubbed the counter of any Ant-Rid residue and left Marshall a note to let him know the Ant-Rid was contributing to the problem.

Last night when I got home Marshall had a friend over, making music (that's not a metaphor, though 'music' depends on your tolerance levels for trance). They had gotten pizza, one veg, one meat. And suddenly, miraculously, our kitchen was filled with thousands of ants! Way more than we had previously seen. After his friend left, I triumphantly pointed to the pizzas and said "they're after meat!" But, apparently the ants had gone for Marshall's veg pizza as well, which apparently rules out my theory (no, let's not consider the possibility that Mama's pizzas veg pizza might not be as vegetarian as previously thought!) And the Ant-Rid? "Haha! Ant-Crack!" He did agree to put the drops outside of the house and on the floor, instead of on the kitchen counter.

BUT THEN! He was up and off this morning way before I woke up. But what did I find when woke up? Two fresh dots of Ant-Rid on the kitchen counter, swarmed by a gillion ants.

The best way to get rid of ants, and it even says this on the Ant-Rid bottle, is to remove whatever it is they are after. I'm hiding that bottle!