Alternate Universes

I'm back in Melbourne now, settling back into my old routines, after a very relaxing and wonderful week in Hawaii. Being back, I feel like I've travelled to another planet and back -- my lives in Calgary and Melbourne are so different from one another, and well, let me explain.

I was so prepared to have a horrible time when I came back to Calgary that it took me quite awhile to realize that I was actually enjoying myself. When I finally did realize that I was having a pretty good time I was a little flabbergasted by the discovery. I was also a little saddened (just a little) by it because it meant leaving behind a bunch of really great and amazing people, again.

Over the past year and a bit, I've lost a lot of contact with my friends, and a lot of family, in Calgary. When I came back, I was surprised to find myself surrounded by a group of amazingly talented and supportive friends. I was also amazed at how easy it was to pick up with lapsed connections. Sparks of life were reignited in friendships that I thought had dwindled down into acquantanships. It seems the time apart and the growth we've all done in that time has really allowed for connections on new levels to develop and blossom. I am truly sadden at having to leave those friends behind, once again. I hope, though, that the friendships continue to grow, even if we are on opposite sides of the world.

Being so far away from any sort of biological family means that I have to be independent in ways I otherwise would not. For instance, this evening when I got off the tram and discovered it was pouring rain and I was not properly dressed for the weather, I couldn't pick up the phone and call a parent, sibling, or grandparent to ask for a lift the kilometer back to my house. (That being said, if my housemate had been home, he probably would have come right out to get me if I called and asked.)

But in the year or so I've been living in Australia, I have learnt not to ask for help. This is something I am starting to unlearn as I realize that I have many friends who are happy to help me, and that there is a difference between asking for help and expecting to receive it. Being back in Calgary, where it was easy for me to pick up the phone and ask for a ride or whatever, I often had to stop myself from relying on others to chauffer me around. Leaving Calgary, I realized how much I would miss the convience of being able to call on family for help with various simple things. I also realized how much I need to buy my own car.

So, while I was happy to be leaving Calgary, I was also keenly aware that I was leaving behind some pretty great things too. And, having been away from Melbourne and out of contact with much of my circle here for a month, I was also feeling a bit less like I was heading home and more like I was heading back into the great unknown.

The week I spent with my Mom in Hawaii was wonderful. It was a true vacation. It completely took my mind off of the sorrow I was feeling about the people I left behind in Calgary, and the anxiety I felt about what I would be returning to in Melbourne. It really wasn't until I was well on my way hurling down the Pacific that I started to feel anxious about returning to Melbourne.

After arriving for Melbourne for the first time in February of last year, it really didn't take long for me to start feeling like I was at home. In fact, I felt more at home in this strange country where I hardly knew a soul than I had ever, anywhere, in my entire life. But, as I made my first big trip to this place I so strongly proclaim to be home, I started to question why Melbourne, above anywhere else, is the place I call home. I knew that my feelings for this city were intense, but on that flight from Honolulu to Sydney, I wasn't sure as to why.

As the plane began its decent, the woman sitting next to me struck up a conversation. She was also from Melbourne. We talked about what would be involved with transferring flights in Sydney, discovered that we weren't on the same connecting flight, and joked that I might end up on her flight as I was unlikely to make my connection (which I didn't. We ended up being on different flights, but we arrived in Melbourne at the same time.) We talked about the footy and what teams we barrack for. And slowly, I started to remember.

Once we touched down in Sydney, I turned on my phone and started to reconnect with the social circle I've built up for myself here in Melbourne. Because I had to switch flights at the last minute, I lost out on my vegetarian meal on my flight to Melbourne. The flight attendant gave me some cheese and crackers, and some buns from first class, and the man sitting beside me offered up his cheese and crackers for me as well.

When I got off the plane, my housemate was waiting for me at baggage collection. Over the years I've gotten so used to having no-one waiting for me when I get off a plane that I had forgotten how welcoming it is to have someone meet me and help me with my (ridiculously large and heavy) bags.

Over the weekend I mostly just relaxed and worked on adjusting my body clock to Melbourne time, but I also caught up with my former housemate, Kirsty, who is, essentially, my big sister. Today was my first day back at uni. I was a bit nervous about going in, partially because it's been so nice to take a break from my PhD, and partially because that break meant telling my supervisors I didn't finish my ethics application.

As soon as I got to my campus, I was greated with lots of warm "Welcome Backs" and, from one of my bosses, a "thank god you're here!" Oh I missed those boys! It hasn't taken me long since I've been back to remember why I'm so adament about Melbourne being my home. It's the people. In Calgary I have some amazing friends, but the people in the city tend to be angry, dissatisfied, unfriendly, and rude. No matter how many people meet me at the airport, it doesn't feel particularly welcoming there.

The difference is so stark, that being back in Melboune has been like returning to a different planet. That being said, going back to Calgary was like visiting a different planet too. A lot has changed in the city I used to call home since I left. But going back made me realize how much I've changed too. Coming back to Melbourne has been humbling. It's strange, to be a migrant. To have a place that is unquestioningly considered home from the outside, but where I don't want to live; and to have a place that unquestioningly in my heart is my home, but where I don't have the legal status to permanently call it my home (yet) ... it's all a little strange.

Ah, Calgary

My time in Calgary is quickly coming to an end -- in under a week I will be relaxing in the sun in Honolulu. This trip hasn't been so bad though. I was prepared for the worst and it turns out I have actually enjoyed my time back. That being said, I'm looking forward to getting back to Melbourne and am definitely feeling like 6 weeks away was a bit too ambitious. Maybe part of that is the guilt I feel for not having worked on my ethics application, which was supposed to be approved by the time I got back. Or maybe it's just that being back in Calgary is not my ideal way of spending my vacation time.

Regardless, it has been good to be back, on a number of levels. I've enjoyed catching up with friends and family. And I haven't broken out into horrible rashes, confirming that I am allergic to suffites, and not the water in Calgary. The best thing about being back has been realizing that it's not so bad to be back...for a visit. I could never live here again, not if I wanted to be happy.

Calgary is still the soul sucking place I remembered it to be, and it seems like things are slipping backwards instead of creeping forwards. I admire the people that stay on and try to challenge the repressive corporate cuture of this city, but I don't blame anyone for leaving the moment the chance arises.

It's been amazing to see how much the cost of living has risen here. It's nearly on par as Melbourne, which is shocking considering how much less value you get for your money here. Public transit, for instance, is only slightly more expensive in Melboure (and a day pass is less expensive) than Calgary, but in Melbourne you can actually get to nearly every corner of the city at nearly any time of day or night.

In Calgary, if you're downtown past 6pm, not only are you walking along empty streets, but it's really not safe. I have heard a ridiculous amount of stories about people being harassed and attacked by anyone from drug addicts to police officers in the still civilized hours of the evening on the streets of downtown Calgary. The more I see of this city the more I think it really has disintigrated into a wild-West era vigillante run city.

If I'm downtown at night in Melbourne, I'm not really worried about being harassed by anyone, and I'm certainly not concerned about police brutality or vigillante street chapels. Seriously Calgary. What the fuck?

One thing I have come to realize from this trip back is that Canada and Australia have both taken very different traits from the British. Canada took on the polite, PC, never-stick-your-nose-in-anyone-else's-business traits. Australia took on the humour, spelling, and gardening. Australians stand up for themselves, and for others. Canadians could learn a lot from this.

I'm looking forward to getting back to the land of smiling faces and sun burns, where community is important, and people help one another out.